![]() ![]() But what's the point? Don fixes his tie and winks at himself. It's the most widely spoken language on our planet and represents almost 35% of our customer base. I am tempted to point out that the ching-chong-chang shit is Mandarin Chinese. I stare at the idiot while admires himself in the elevator door reflection. "Besides! Don't sell yourself short buddy! Hah! Get it shrimp dick? Anyways, Christy gets some easy sales because of that ching-chong-chang shit." "Not as big as this dick, dude" says Don grabbing his crotch. I'm stuck with you because I have a dick." "Well one of us shouldn't be going" I point out. But everyone knows how cheap the executive team is with travel budgets when they aren't attending. Supposedly it's because the conference is sold out. Whoever goes to sell booths has to share a room. She does more work than Don and I combined. I was chosen for this trip for two reasons: The company is cheap and I have a penis. So I smile angelically and add, "Oh and I need to borrow $300." I always forget she is totally estranged to junkie culture and our curious traditions. I chew up some more pills, swallow it with cold coffee and grimace. Sera stares at me while I rant about the executives that pay our salaries with a profanity laced tirade. Fuck! Fuck this fucking horsecock fucking bullshit! Goddamn it!" This is a tragedy! I need to get well fast. Sorry but this is way beyond a emergency. And the other bottles you have at home for the trip. I snatch it from her hands, gulp down four pills and pocket the bottle. I chew them up and dry swallow the mess as she opens the oxycodone. I watch her open the morphine and wait patiently as she doles out two pills. "Hey I know our deal Sera! But this is a total emergency! In twenty minutes I have to meet Stone, some other cocksuckers! Plus I have to hang out with Piper! Look!" I demand. Sera squints at me from behind her thick glasses. I need to meet with a bunch of upper level assholes and I am not feeling it today. "Whoo!" cheers Sera happily as I grab her arm and drag her into my cubicle. When she is done, the workers are all released from the corporate spell. You road trip this bitch to the fucking asshole of America New Mexico. Don Piper and I have been chosen to sell 1,000 fucking booths for the next convention. And then he starts chanting "1,000 booths! 1,000 booths!" "Our star reps!" roars Brad Stone slapping my back so hard he almost knocks me off the stage. But if I can just reach that fucking bag. I can't meet my dealer for a couple days because I'm broke. I think she's smiling but I only have eyes for her purple bag. I see Sera toasting me with her Cheshire cat coffee mug. Confused, I stand tall and smile like a lunatic to the crowd. What the fuck is going on? I really should read those damn meeting briefs. My poor coworkers have to cheer because they're on the clock and in clear view of upper management and the executive team. "Hell yeah buddy we're gonna kick some ass!" he hoots lifting our arms to the crowd. And as I stagger up the stairs, the antichrist grabs my hand and shakes it. The person screeching my name like a shrieking harpy is our VP, Lisa Croffer. Standing on the stage is my boss, Brad Stone. I feel like I'm watching TV while I walk past cheering coworkers. It's so cold in the company auditorium and my mind is a vast emptiness. Nightmare, squishy noises fart inside my twisted bowels. In a nauseous daze, I tumble forward past smiling coworkers to the stage. I look up in confusion and hear my name again. "That's you son!" Dan shouts happily while rubbing my back. Then Dan Thomas, Manager of Research Accounting elbowed me. Actually, I didn't hear it because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I was a dopesick, shivering wreck when I heard the news. ![]()
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